Day 222: Matrimonial Consent (1625-1632)

• It’s Day 222!!

• MATRIMONIAL CONSENT

• Consent is ESSENTIAL

• It has to be a certain kind of consent

• It has to be FREE, meaning under no constraint and not impeded by any natural or ecclesiastical law

• Let’s pray!!

Prayer by Fr. Mike: “Father in Heaven, you are good. You are God. You are the Lord of life, and you are the Lord of love. We continue to praise your name. We continue to thank you for this gift of Holy Matrimony. We thank you for the gift of faithfulness. We thank you for even the fact that when we are unfaithful, you remained faithful. Lord God, we thank you for mercy that comes to meet us in our weakness. We thank you for forgiveness that comes to us in our failures. And we thank you for never ceasing to call us to be more and more like you and for giving us the grace to be like you. We ask you to please help us to serve you, to love you, to honor you this day. And in whatever state in life we find ourselves, we give you our yes. And that yes is in Jesus’ name. Amen”

• So there we have it!!

• Paragraph 1625 says, “The parties to a marriage covenant are a baptized man and woman, free to contract marriage, who freely express their consent; ‘to be free’ means: not being under constraint; not impeded by any natural or ecclesiastical law.”

• Free of impediments means there are no obligations that they have to someone else or something else that would make them not free to contract marriage

• The term FREEDOM is important and means a couple of things

• Firstly, that there is they are not under any constraint

• There is nothing FORCING them to get married

• There is no coercion

• There is no fear that is driving them

• So shotgun weddings, where the woman is pregnant and that is why the couple is getting married,  could be an impediment

• There are a number of priests who will say that if a woman is pregnant, let’s wait until after the baby is born

• Let’s not jump into marriage because of the presence of a child

• Why?

• Would it not be better if the child had a mom and a dad?

• OF COURSE!!

• THAT IS ALWAYS A GOOD THING!!

• BUT…

• We want to make sure that the man and woman are able to enter into the covenant of Matrimony in a FREE WAY so that there is NO CONSTRAINT

• The second aspect is that they are not impeded by any natural or ecclesiastical law

• There are some natural things that make marriage impossible

• One would be if both people are of the same sex

• That would be a natural law that makes marriage impossible and prohibits Matrimony

• Another thing that would make a natural reality is that if a couple is incapable of entering into natural sexual intercourse even once because this is an essential part of the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony

• You might have a great relationship

• There might be incredible love and support

• You might have an incredible friendship

• There might be a depth of love for each other that is real

• BUT…

• The couple MUST be able to enter into the sexual embrace at least once in order for the marriage to be a sacrament

• This is a painful thing to bring up

• BUT…

• It is an important thing to bring up because it is so essential

• The thing that makes marriage different than any other relationship is the presence of the sexual embrace

• We have relationships with a lot of people in the course of our lives

• We have parents of children

• We have friends

• We have brothers

• We have sisters

• We have deeper friendships

• So many degrees of relationship

• What is the single thing that makes marriage unique?

• It’s not necessarily permanence because you can have permanent relationships wherever

• It’s not necessarily love because you can have love amongst any number of different kinds of relationships

• The thing that makes marriage DISTINCT is the sexual embrace

• Without that sexual embrace, IT IS NOT MARRIAGE

• Because that is the aspect of this particular relationship that makes it this particular relationship

• Let’s listen to Fr. Mike’s analogy of chocolate chip cookies…

• In a similar way, the sexual embrace is not the only ingredient in marriage

• BUT…

• Without the sexual embrace, it is not a marriage

• It can be a great relationship

• It can have permanence

• It can have mutual support and love 

• It can have all these good things

• BUT…

• Without the sexual embrace, that is an impediment, and they would not be able to go through the rite of marriage

• Not impeded by ecclesiastical law would be someone’s not free to marry because they have taken vows in Holy Orders

• Or a person is not free to marry because they’ve made some other vow in a religious institution

• Or they might not be free to be married because they have previously married or are married to someone else

• These are some of the obstacles to freedom

• Paragraph 1626 (Fr. Mike says 1627 here but it’s really 1626)  says, “The Church holds the exchange of consent between the spouses to be the indispensable element that ‘makes the marriage.’ If consent is lacking there is no marriage.”

• Paragraph 1627 says, “The consent consists in a ‘human act by which the partners mutually give themselves to each other’: ‘I take you to be my wife’-’I take you to be my husband.’ This consent that binds the spouses to each other finds its fulfillment in the two ‘becoming one flesh.’”

• At the altar, the Sacrament of Matrimony is ratified and made real

• BUT…

• It is not consummated and completed yet

• It does not find its fulfillment until the two become one flesh physically in the sexual embrace

• The Sacrament of Matrimony not only has the baptized man and baptized woman in the presence of the Church’s minister and in the presence of two witnesses at least

• In a public way they demonstrate that consent

• That free consent gets ratified at the altar

• It is consummated and fulfilled and completed in the sexual embrace

• At the altar they say I’m yours and you’re mine

• In the sexual embrace they LIVE OUT I’m yours and you’re mine

• At the altar, the two become one flesh

• In the sexual embrace, the two TRULY become one flesh

• THIS IS SO SO IMPORTANT!!

• WE NEED BOTH!!

• That’s why chocolate chip cookies need chocolate chips 😉

• Paragraph 1628 says, “The consent must be an act of the will of each of the contracting parties, free of coercion or grave external fear. No human power can substitute for this consent. If this freedom is lacking the marriage is invalid.”

• So what about arranged marriages?

• Are arranged marriages valid?

• They can be

• They don’t have to be

• Just like any marriage

• Even in an arranged marriage, the couple would have to be free to enter into and free to offer their consent

• If freedom is lacking, the marriage is invalid

• If there was an impediment that would prohibit the couple from freely entering into the Sacrament of Matrimony, then the marriage is invalid

• Paragraph 1629 says, “For this reason (or for other reasons that render the marriage null and void) the Church, after an examination of the situation by the competent ecclesiastical tribunal, can declare the nullity of a marriage, i.e., that the marriage never existed. In this case the contracting parties are free to marry, provided the natural obligations of a previous union are discharged.”

• Let’s listen to Fr. Mike’s example of annulment…

• It is called the annulment process or the application for a declaration of nullity

• Sometimes the Church can say YES there was an impediment so the marriage was not valid

• Sometimes the Church investigates and finds there was no impediment to marriage and the marriage was freely entered into

• Then this was a VALID sacrament and they remain married, even if they are civilly divorced 

• These are heavy topics 

• Every one of our lives are touched by betrayal

• Every one of our lives are touched by broken hopes

• Every one of our lives are touched by broken relationships, including broken marriages

• There are people who are listening who have applied for a declaration of nullity and were refused

• Others may be afraid to apply for the declaration of nullity

• Others may think it is an excessive burden to place on someone and refuse to go through the process

• Here is an invitation 

• GOD IS GOOD!!

• GOD KNOWS YOUR STORY!!

• GOD KNOWS YOUR HEART TOO!!

• If you have been civilly divorced and have not applied for a declaration of nullity, if you believe that there is a case to be made that the marriage was not valid then talk to your pastor and see if he can help you

• There is a process and part of the process is contacting your ex-spouse and witnesses and asking them if they are willing to spend their time on this

• It’s not meant to be burdensome 

• It could be experienced as burdensome

• Did you know this about the Church tribunals and canon lawyers?

• Oftentimes, there are too few canon lawyers and too many couples who are seeking declarations of nullity

• Sometimes it can take a year or two to go through the entire process

• Please do not let that frighten you

• The process for applying for declaration of nullity is meant to be a PROCESS OF HEALING

• IN FACT…

• Fr. Mike has talked to so many couples who have said they felt it was a daunting process to write the story of their relationship and why there were impediments

• But the more and more they had to go over the story, the clearer and clearer their heart became

• Yes it can be a difficult process

• BUT…

• There are some difficult processes that end up in destruction

• There are some difficult processes that end up in HEALING

• And the process for an application for a declaration of nullity is meant to be the process that ends in HEALING

• Even if the declaration of nullity is not granted because there were no impediments that could be demonstrated, the process is meant to have an opportunity for self-examination

• It is meant to have an opportunity for recognizing what was brought into the relationship and how choices brought the couple to a certain place

• It’s not just meant to beat oneself up or accuse oneself

• But to go over one’s past and know oneself even better and come before God in a new and deeper way

• This is such a pain in so many people’s lives

• YOU ARE CALLED TO BE CATHOLIC!!

• You can say yeah, you're divorced and remarried so you can’t be Catholic

• I get it

• BUT TRY!!

• TRY TO TAKE THAT STEP!!

• YOU WILL NOT BE SAD FOR TRYING!!

• YOU WILL NOT REGRET TRYING!!

• BUT…

• YOU WILL REGRET NOT TRYING!!

• YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

• YOU ARE WANTED!!

• THERE IS HEALING IN THE FUTURE!!

• Paragraph 1631 says, “This is the reason why the Church normally requires that the faithful contract marriage according to the ecclesiastical form. Several reasons converge to explain this requirement: -Sacramental marriage is a liturgical act. It is therefore appropriate that it should be celebrated in the public liturgy of the Church; -Marriage introduces one into an ecclesial order, and creates rights and duties in the Church between the spouses and towards their children; -Since marriage is a state of life in the Church, certainty about it is necessary (hence the obligation to have witnesses); -The public character of the consent protects the “I do” once given and helps the spouses remain faithful to it.”

• Holy Matrimony is a SACRAMENT OF SERVICE

• Holy Matrimony is a SACRAMENT OF DISCIPLESHIP

• Let’s listen to Fr. Mike’s story about getting ordained…

• Fr. Mike cannot get ordained at his parent’s place on the lake because it means a lot to him

• Fr. Mike is not getting ordained for himself

• Fr. Mike is getting ordained because Holy Orders is a SACRAMENT OF SERVICE in the Church

• It is a SACRAMENT OF DISCIPLESHIP in the Church

• His day of ordination is not about him

• It’s a day that the WHOLE CHURCH is getting a new priest

• It’s similar with Holy Matrimony

• Yes it’s the bride’s day in some ways

• Yes it’s the couple’s day in some ways

• BUT…

• Not in other ways

• For a Catholic couple to enter into the Sacrament of Matrimony, they are saying that this is the way they believe that Jesus Christ is calling them to serve His Church

• This is the way that Jesus Christ is calling them to be His disciples

• SO THIS IS NOT JUST YOUR DAY!!

• THIS IS THE DAY FOR THE ENTIRE CHURCH!!

• This is the day where you are declaring discipleship for the Lord in this particular vocation

• It does not make any sense to get married on the beach

• It does not make any sense to get married in the woods

• It makes sense to say that we are going to get married in the Church

• Why?

• BECAUSE THIS IS A SACRAMENT OF THE CHURCH!!

• This is me declaring that this marriage, this Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, is the way I believe Jesus is calling me to BUILD UP THE BODY OF CHRIST

• So it makes no sense for a Catholic Christian to get married outside the Church or outside the rite given to us by the Church

• When you said yes to your spouse, you were also saying yes to how I will serve the Church

• This is how I will follow Jesus Christ as His disciple

• Paragraph 1632 says, “So that the ‘I do’ of the spouses may be a free and responsible act and so that the marriage covenant may have solid and lasting human and Christian foundations, preparation for marriage is of prime importance. The example and teaching given by parents and families remain the special form of this preparation.”

• This is called the remote preparation for the Sacrament of Matrimony

• We learn a lot from watching our parents

• Either this is how marriage is supposed to work or this is how marriage should never work

• We are always being formed by our culture

• We are always being formed by our families and by our parish and by our parents

• Part of that formation is marriage preparation

• Later on, we get formal preparation that lasts 6 months up to a year of formal, immediate marriage preparation

• That is typically done at the parish by a priest or deacon

• These topics are really good to talk about

• The rest of the Catechism gets more personal from here

• Because of that, we are all going to be challenged

• And because of that…

• Fr. Mike is praying FOR YOU!!

• Please pray for Fr. Mike and for each other!!

• I cannot WAIT to see you tomorrow!!